April 21, 2005

Dear UNH Community:

After having an opportunity to meet with several college educators and parents of UNH students, as well as parents of young children, I feel compelled at their urging to share the following information.

Since September 2004 I have been the recipient of abusive and threatening emails. My response was to initiate a community dialogue on what I deem sexual harassment.

However, in light of information I have discovered recently, herein enclosed, it came to my attention that I was no longer dealing with a case of sexual harassment. The situation now rises to the explicit threat of sexual violence against educators, parents with young children, and women students in the UNH community.

Please know that I have notified the UNH administration, UNH Police, Durham Police, FBI, and local and regional media.

Sincerely:

Whitney Williams


Quotes from Kenneth Gagnon's Online Blog (all currently now off-line)
www.livejournal.com/users/kengagnon/

January 6, 2004
Crow left of the MURDAH
"And who knows. Maybe someday I'll kill a lot of people, and you can all be character witnesses at what promises to be the most fun criminal trial in history. If they admit this stuff as evidence, it'll almost be worth the near-constant raping I'll be receiving in prison afterwards. Maybe I should just go kill someone right now. Yeah."

March 9, 2005
Ain't Dat a Bitch
"I had my midterm exam in retardville extravaganza that is my 519 class today, and one fo the first questions on the short answer portion was the following (it may or may not have been written in my professor's shit. That being said, the text has not been altered. I swear.):
"Read the pdoem and offer up to four (4) points of interpretations. Include literary devices." So, I calmly read that, scribbled an answer, finished the rest of the test, and strolled up to my professor, who sat at her desk with a smile so complacent and utterly vacant that even a cow would say, "CHRIST, you're so dull."
Ken's Professor: Oh, Ken, are you done with the exam?
Ken: *silently hands exam over*
Ken's Professor: Excellent, well have a great brea-
Ken: *thrusts penis through her eye socket*
One of the first things you learn when you come to college is that sometimes, when an idiot is in charge of your English class, there's nothing that can be done about that besides a penis to her goddamn brain. And rest assured, if I impale people's brains with my dick for a living, I would goddamn drop everything right now and do it. Sorry, friends and family, but I have a motherfucking CALLING."

November 7, 2004
Headbanging, baby.
"Whitney Williams is unquestionably my favorite target of personal hatred, though. She writes consistently about how insanely unfair it is that men control everything in the world and get away with raping women and things of that nature. And, sadly enough, while I do agree that women don't have it the way they probably should, I also have a penis, and am thus inclined to defend my unfair position of power. I'd fucking rape the face of Whitney Williams and deny her a job just because she's got a vagina if I could. I wouldn't do this because I hate women. I'd do this because I hate Whitney.

This is the fundamental thing she can't seem to get; the people who write into the newspaper week after week to criticize the stuff she writers don't hate females in general. They hate Whitney because she's annoying and speaks for people she has no right to pretend she voices the concerns of. Yes, violence towards women, sexual assault, and inequality in the workplace are all issues worthy of discussion, but not by someone who's a fucking tool. Fuck you, Whitney."

March 24, 2005
IMPRESSIVE TITLE
"Hey, everyone, and welcome back to the livejournal of Kenneth Gagnon, the only publication on the internet that's endorsed by the federal government as appropriate source material for both literature and sex ed classes for youngsters all over the nation. As such, I'm going to be spending the next few months traveling the world and teaching out of the "The Ken Gagnon Has Sex With Kids Reproductive Guide." I don't know about you, but when I was a kid, I certainly could've used a little more quality sexual education like the kind my journal could provide to 1st graders in this country.

Ken: Okay, kids, now let's go over the material one more time. Now, Tommy, what's the safest form of sex?
Tommy: Anal?
Ken: *rubs eyes* For the millionth time, Tommy, no. You're close, but the rest of the class could probably tell you that it's not really safe until you pull out at the last second and bust your load of man-juice on that bitch's face, now couldn't they?
Tommy: I'm sorry, Mr. Gagnon.
Ken: If you were really sorry, Tommy, you'd be having more anonymous unprotected anal sex.
Tommy: Please stop touching me, Mr. Gagnon.

And contrary to popular belief, I'm not spending all my time slithering my way into quality time with impressionable kids who don't have nearly enough muscle mass to defend themselves from sudden attack by a trusted authority figure; I've been keeping a close journalistic eye on the goings-on in the entertainment world. Now, if you'll allow me to cease with jokes about how small and useless the flap of skin I call my penis is (because they are just jokes, I swear. I have a massive, pulsating beast in my shorts and it's hungry for vaginas constantly. I swear)..."

November 20, 2003
New Developments Which Aren't Actually New At All
"What I'm saying is that I sort of wish I had caused more trouble, and since I didn't, I'm going to have to find a topic for whatever I do next that is extra offensive to everyone. Is there any way I could get away with writing a detailed plan for kidnapping and raping a college girl? The Hell with that. Is there any way I could get away with actually kidnapping and raping a college girl? Not that I would."

"I feel bad about wanting high school girls, for the first time in my life. I watched them up there wiggling and dancing around and actually shifted around in my seat a little bit. I know they're all fuckin' hot little girls, and by all rights I should be having some sort of cheesy porn fantasy in which I saunter to their apartment door to fix their cable or something, but all I felt like doing was taking them all back to their houses and maybe making them tea and helping them with their homework. This raises an important question... If it comes down to a situation where sex with a high school girl is imminent, then I will very calmly do several dozen body shots off of the aforementioned woman and feel much better."

September 18, 2004
THIS FIRE IS OUT OF CONTROL GONNA BURN THIS CITY BUUURN THIS CITY
"The single most incredible potential development at my new job with UNH's Media Relations Department became clear to me during a talk I had with Erika Mantz, a news editor who seems to be perfectly nice, genuine and cool, which is quite unfortunate, because I don't think she has any idea that she recently hired a wanted sex offender."

March 8, 2004
I'm going to leave you. I'm going to leave yooooouuuu.
"Hi kids, and welcome back to the livejournal of Kenneth Gagnon. This little piece of semi-annual writing remains the only publication on the internet that consistently leaves you covered in more bodily fluids than a slip n' slide party in the sex offender wing of a maximum security prison. Plus, the members of my staff will even provide you with a towel afterwards to clean off some of the semen and the blood and the drool, which is a much better option than the forced
anal sex the prison would provide"

"And when I say stretch, I obviously don't mean stretch in the sense of a vagina during childbirth. I mean stretch in the sense of a two year old's vagina during the birth of three elephants. Simultaneously. That's fucking stretching."

"Instead, I'll be shoving my balls into the face of my new girlfriend Kristen while she's asleep."

"Don't be shocked by how easy it is for me to commit to killing the girl I've fallen in love with; it's in the interest of the common good.....So I'd like to say once more that I'm very much in love with my girlfriend, but I will not hesitate to kill her in the interest of my state's safety. It's like if she was a zombie. I'd sure still wanna have sex with her (perhaps even more so. Zombies are sexy and aggressive), but I'd have to shoot her in the face with a sawed-off shotgun to be safe. It's just how things go."

June 12, 2004
SAME AS IT EVER WAS.
"Oftentimes a the very moment I see a woman, semen will explode out of my pant legs, sending me flying upwards like a fucking Rocketeer."

"Now in any other time of my life, I would meet the arrival of five attractive and likely intoxicated girls with my penis, exposed and clutched in my hands, so painfully erect that blood spurts out of my ass every few seconds to relieve pressure. Unfortunately, these days I have a SINGLE woman I'm interested in regularly boning, so when Lilly, Shush, Koren, Becca, and Kristen (Hahn) arrived, the only thing I was interested in using my erect penis for was stabbing the lot of them in the face."

October 5, 2003
What am I doing? Shouldn't I be out prowling the campus, like Laura said?
"I have a Politics and Society class that brings me tantalizingly close to taking a razor blade to both my eyes. The professor has this way of talking (which he does for an hour and a half every class) which is infuriating, I can't quite explain what it is about the rhythm of his speech that makes me want to kill him...."

January 1, 2004
You should be careful what you wish FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!
"I could look at it like I'm acquiring quite an extensive library of useful books, but then again, I could also look at it like I'm acquiring an extensive collection of flammable material to set ablaze and toss through the Dean's window."

April 13, 2004
WAAA-AAAAHH-OOWWW!
"And while normally I would giggle at the idea of someone's brain bleeding, this is starting to annoy me."

"I like to think I can handle hearing dirty words on television and in music without automatically wanting to murder babies or something; I am, after all, essentially grown up now."

"Classics 400-something or other--Greek Civilization: I took this just so I could sit and stare at the brilliance of my professor, Steve Trzaskoma. I know his name, but we're nowhere near a first name basis. The only sort of first name basis we'll likely ever be on is when he reports the name of the student stalker he's been enduring for the last few weeks to the police."

"I've always generally been interested in Russia; however, this interest has transformed into a general interest in popping the eyes out of my two professors and then seeing if my penis will fit into their faces anywhere."

September 16, 2003
College life is the life of living life that you love to live.
"Here's to taking advantage of sorority girls!"

October 10, 2003
It just keeps coming
"Hello again, everyone. Welcome once again to the live journal of Kenneth Gagnon, the only place on the internet that will welcome with open arms both you, your children, and your basement dwelling immigrant workers. We'll even welcome the children you've likely produced with said workers, provided that you bring the saran wrap for us to spread over all of our important office furniture. We have a commitment to family here at the live journal; this means, of course, that if one of my staff members doesn't do what I tell them, I get to kill one of their family members. I don't keep an ice pick around for nothing, you know."

"Ken: *grabbing a little girl around the neck* LOOK AT ME! PUT YOUR COLD, DEAD EYES ON ME AND SHOW SOME FEELING, BITCH! DON'T YOU HAVE A SOUL?"

"Don't overuse the dead hooker routine. Eventually the authorities will get curious and actually start DIGGING out near the Vegas railroad. And we don't want that, do we? No, no we don't."

December 7, 2003
Numba Fifty, baby.
"UNH Administrator: I know! Let's NOT give them a place to park! The more inexperienced bad drivers out there, the better!
Ken: *cocks shotgun* Wrong answer. "

"I feel like I should be doing some retrospective on how far I've come. How much I've changed as a person. How many gullible women I've tricked into bed by telling them they're the only one for me. How many times I've used the word "fucking" in the history of my journal."

September 4, 2004
I thought she was eighteen! She said she was old enough...
"That's right, kids, I'm back at the University of New Hampshire for another semester. This means that I get to stare from afar at a whole new, unsuspecting, defenseless class of Freshmen college girls..."

"And thought it would be cool to take a sawed-off shotgun to the undead faces of every freshmen in my dorm, it'd be much more satisfying to get my kill on inside Holloway Commons....The dining hall just isn't meant to do deal with it. It's like trying to force a sorority girl with only three orifices to handle more than three penises."